Between laughter and modesty

(by Teresa Viegas, Self-Esteem Clinic)

Some couples have separated not for lack of love, but for excessive seriousness.

Intimacy, when it begins, is light. There's nervousness, yes, but there's also laughter. There's shared embarrassment. There's that moment when the body makes an unexpected sound and no one knows whether to apologize or laugh. And almost always, people laugh.

Then, with time, adult modesty sets in.

The body is no longer a novelty. It's familiar territory.

And the mistake stops being funny and starts being uncomfortable.

What happened in the middle of it all?

Laughter protects.

Modesty contracts.

Laughter says: we're in this together.

Modesty whispers: what if I'm not enough?

In sexuality, humor is not superficial. It is an emotional regulator.

It is what allows one to overcome performance flaws, hesitations, and differences in

rhythm.

It's what tells the nervous system: you are safe.

When a couple can no longer laugh in the bedroom, it's often not because they've lost the desire.

It's because he lost his sense of security.

Embarrassment is part of intimacy. Bodies sweat. They tremble. They don't always respond as we would like. Desire is not a straight line. It's a dialogue.

But for dialogue to take place, there has to be room for imperfection.

A couple's maturity isn't measured by how often they have sex.

It is measured by the freedom with which one can say:

"That was strange."

"That was good."

"Can we try again?"

Between laughter and modesty lies a subtle choice.

Laughing together is a form of complicity.

Feeling ashamed when you're alone is a form of isolation.

Perhaps the question isn't whether they still desire each other.

Perhaps it's a matter of whether they still allow themselves to be human in front of each other.

A gesture for this week:

Choose an embarrassing memory of yours.

Something that, at the time, felt strange or uncomfortable.

Tell it to each other lightly.

They laughed together.

Intimacy doesn't come from perfection.

It stems from the security of being able to fail and still be chosen. @teresaviegas_psi @clinicadaautoestima